Her tears came freely, she had buried her hurts for months, maybe years. It wasn’t just the words, “Let me do it, this isn’t good enough.” It was the feeling of rejection she had felt for years, not good enough, she thought. Now she shines with the presence of God and knows God has approved her.
It may be beneficial, in the mentoring process of a pastor or leader, an occasion will arise to invite the spouse. Bringing the spouse into the mentoring process often will complete the conversation, bringing fresh insights.
For this session we are zeroing in on the need for the Pastor’s Wife to see the importance of her ministry and the appreciation needed. Often overlooked but increasingly valuable, particularly, in the rural church setting.
When we identify the subject of depression attacking the Pastor’s wife, it comes with vengeance. The rural church pastor may hear most of the troubles of the members, woman feel free to call her to reach the Pastor. Her husband is most likely, bi-vocational, leaving little time for her or the family. The Pastor’s wife may get discouraged and depressed.
Four reasons depression and Pastor’s wives need our attention.
PROXIMITY: we have personally ministered with pastors and their spouse going through bouts of depression and this strikes too close to home.
PROBLEM: possible depression issues are a real problem, oftentimes, hidden in secret, for fear of false judgements. I talk with pastors and their spouse, who are discouraged, depressed, overwhelmed, and disheartened, I have to ask myself, “Have I done enough?”
PEOPLE: My wife and I pastor a church. My daughter in law is a pastor’s wife. My daughter is an assistant pastor’s wife; we are people and we bear the burden of caring for others at the expense of caring for ourselves.
According to a recent news article, a recent survey stated 40% of individuals are facing depression or anxiety, the Covid-19 lockdowns has added to the pressure; along with the constant barrage of negative news; uncertainties of school starting, and the pressures of social distancing in public places, including churches.
We may never know what a Pastor’s wife is thinking but this is the point: SHE NEEDS A FRIEND.
My wife and I have seen the scars, the hurts, the mistreatment, the pain, and the tears but that is okay! A woman must spill her heart, tell her story, and share her feelings. We have seen the tears as they pushed through their silent “soul cry.” My wife recently texted to a church member in another church, “your pastor’s wife needs a friend” and quoted Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loveth at all times.”
Pastoral statistics reveal depression and anxiety strike the ministry, it is in the ongoing process of the shepherd and the sheep but simply, hiding the hurts increases the pain, SPEAK OUT.
Pastor’s wives are often in the background while the pastor serves in the frontline. Often, her family lives in another state, her church has their own families, and she misses several family gatherings. Finances are often crippling to personal shopping, finding children’s clothing, budgeting for groceries and even, dining out.
For pastor’s wives, who face insecurities, uncertainties, anxieties, and instabilities, REACH OUT.
PASTOR’S WIFE please do this TODAY!
- Reach Around: Call a close family member or friend and honestly, tell them you are hurting.
- Reach Out: to denominational leadership, they are willing to talk to you.
- Reach To: Call an elder pastor or mentor and ask to meet with them.
- Reach Up: Pray and tell God you are hurting.
- Reach Across: Get outside to a park, take a day off and find a new hobby.
Recently, a young wife, faced with grueling demands in ministry began to reach out to a college friend, they both needed a close relationship to pray with, share scripture, open to and be honest with. In a brief phone call recently she admitted, “Oh, yes, this had been so great and worth getting up at 5:30 am; three times a week, we both needed it.” You could hear the joy in her voice, a complete change from three months ago when she was given to angry tones and pent up emotions.
CHURCH MEMBER please do this TODAY!
- TELL your Pastor’s wife how much you appreciate her; send her a card or call her.
- PRAY for your Pastor’s wife, she bears the burden of church members, she defends her husband, prays for him, and protects him; she needs your everyday prayers.
- TAKE your pastor’s wife out to eat, take her shopping, include her in a woman’s activity. Remember many pastor’s wives are living on a limited budget, especially if they have children.
- FRIEND: Be nonintrusive; you are not her friend because you want the latest news, do not bug her with your trivial gossip; do not make the matter worse. She needs a friend not another burden.
- GIVE: Slip her shopping money, buy her a gift, tell her you were thinking of her or arrange for a Pastor’s Wives Appreciation Day.
- FAITHFUL: Above all, be loyal to your pastors. Never leave them guessing about whether you support them or not. She may feel her husband has a ministry, but she does not – let her know her ministry to YOU is invaluable.
YOU can make a difference in YOUR Pastors’ wife.
Let us continue to pray for pastor’s wives across the nation.
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JIM LAUDELL 