Four Things A Husband Needs to Know About His Wife

11lAfter nearly 36 years of studying my wife I can say with a hearty proclamation, “There is yet so much to learn.” My wife, along with other women in the world, is intriguingly and meticulously created with unique features defining her as woman. No wonder Adam, when wakened from a deep sleep, cried out, “WHOA! MAN!” – Thus, woman.
There is so much more to learn yet there are a few explicit details that emerge fitting the generalities of women. This isn’t a blueprint – it is merely one man’s observation of God’s female creation. Though this is written for men’s information; I know there are women reading this who will print it, post it and may actually hang it on the mirror for their husband to read, and read and re-read.

She is Unique – She Needs Your Love

Perhaps the Bible explains this the best way. She is the weaker vessel but not like you think. As far as strength – she may beat you in arm wrestling. As far as board games – she may skunk you. As far as putt-putt she may make you look bad. But the weaker vessel doesn’t mean weak in the sense of lack but a better interpretation may be fragile vase. As a fragile vase she is uniquely created, with detail. Study her and you will find a unique design, precious detail and amazing quality. She has value, she is a treasure, and she is to be honored, just as you would an heirloom, an expensive, a fragile vase. Admire her, lift her up and respect her and you will discover the hidden value of the women you call wife.
Take Home Point – Love her intentionally

She is Communicative – She Needs You to Listen
Hands down women love to talk, think out loud and communicate their feelings. Maybe men need to open up a bit but until then. When she speaks she needs her husband to listen, listen with his ears and his eyes. Really listen to her thoughts not just her words. You may not understand where she is coming from or why she is saying what she is saying but listen. Listen with your heart, be involved, don’t try to fix it – just try to be understanding. She may need a hug more than your reply.
Take Home Point – Listen intentionally

She has Insight – She Needs Your Understanding
Take the time to delve into the multifaceted mind of your wife as she looks with her eyes, thinks with her mind, feels with her heart and is sensitive to your touch. This is a women’s insight. She feels “something.” She knows people. She reads between the lines. And, she knows you; that’s the scary part. In fact, I move – she reads me. Ouch! As a husband you may not understand her insight but it is not as important as her wanting to know you are trying to understand her feelings and insights.
Take Home Point – Learn intentionally

She Has Her Moments – She Needs Your Faithfulness
She may question your love one day. She wants to know do I look good in this? – not for others but for you. She may ask you if she looks fat? – not for others but for you. She may ask do you like my hair? – not for others but for you. She wants to know you love her for who she is and you are committed till death do us part. She may be crabby, complaining, critical and even nagging but she still loves you and wants you to be totally committed to love her forever. She knows she has her moments – she knows you do to but she wants to be secure on knowing you will stand by her, hold her hand in public and be her man for the rest of your lives.
Take Home Point – Live faithfully

Comment: What do you know about your wife – how do you let her know you honor her?
 Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.


Investing in Our Marriage

Picture1People sometimes marry for all the wrong reasons. When a couple marries, it develops into a frenzy of emotion – sadly, for some; it only lasts for a few years before love fades, collapsing into separation and misunderstanding.

Love must be, should be, something more than physical. Regardless how the movies portray marriage – love develops over time. Two people grow in love with each other until more is invested in the marriage than one is willing to withdraw from.


Investing into your marriage becomes the diamond of beauty


Investing in the love, the husband and wife share, is called commitment. It isn’t give and take – it is give and give. Investment usually involves putting someone of value into something we trust. Marriage defined is putting something we value into the one we trust.

For many – to be able to trust the one you love with your soul, your thoughts, your life, your being, your secrets and your dreams is the peak of love. Moving from emotion to trust is a major step in marriage. After the struggle to survive often a couple will find a deeper love and a deeper trust in one another.

Making deposits into your checkbook guarantees’ you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Making deposits into your marriage guarantees you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Life has a way of making one withdrawal after the other – depleting the account. We must add deposits intentionally and on a regular basis.


The more you put into your marriage the more you are able to take out of your marriage.


Simply investing more into your marriage than you are taking out isn’t just good business sense but it is simply good sense. Let’s look at some common sense ways we can’t invest into our marriage:

Expressions Of Love Holding her hand as you walk together, rubbing her shoulders, or a gentle hug when she comes in from work is adding value in your marriage. It is said a wife needs seven nonsexual touches a day for emotional well being. Don’t be like one guy who patted his wife on the back seven times and felt he had accomplished his expression of love.

Spend Prime Time Together Taking a walk together, grabbing a cup of coffee, taking her lunch to her at work, watching a movie together after the kids have gone to bed, can be prime time events investing into your love relationship.

Write a Note Slipping a note into her lunch bag, having a note posted to the bathroom mirror or having a card waiting for her on the dinner table can fill the emotional love tank up to full. Write meaningful, heartfelt words that you noted her beauty, her strength, her character or her recent decisions.

Pray Together Discover each other’s needs. Pray for each other and confess your own weaknesses. Praying together over your marriage, over your home and over your children will multiply your deposits.

You might think of something that creates a better atmosphere of love in your home but whatever you do you must do regularly, continually making deposits into your marriage.

Comment: What would you add to this list of deposits?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.



The Sixth Swing

Picture2I have asked a guest blogger, Niki, to write today. More information about Niki is at the end of the article

 The sun was finally shining again after several days of wintry bliss.  A gentle breeze was blowing just enough to make one entertain the idea of kite flying and the hint of spring brushed the air.  The playground was filled with smiling children grateful at last for a chance to be outdoors. Laughter saturated the air with a happy melody promising that winter soon would give way to sunnier days.

Her eyes met mine and a smile quickly spread across her face when she recognized me.  Her hand shot up in the air and back down again as if she became embarrassed midway through her greeting.   She darted around the slide out of sight and I began explaining to my daughters who the little girl was.

Several times she walked briskly in front of our family jabbering with a friend about the last time we had seen each other.  Then she would run to the woman who had brought her to the park.  I presumed she was telling her about us because of the vigorous pointing in our direction.

Sometime later as we were swinging and Daddy was giving “monster pushes” to our five kids, I noticed she occupied the sixth swing.  The girlish chatter was gone along with the giggles and grins I’d seen from her moments before.  She sat motionless in the swing, her small hand clutching the chain and her cheek resting against her knuckles.   She seemed to stare at nothing in particular though I caught her stealing frequent glances at our family.  She was momentarily oblivious to her friend’s pleas to join her on the slide again.

My heart broke as I watched her and replayed what I knew of her tragic story in my mind.  She had two sisters; her mommy and daddy were no longer married to each other; her daddy’s new girlfriend was the one who had brought her to the park; and her friend was the new girlfriend’s daughter.

Watching her sit motionless on the swing, I imagined her looking at our family and wishing she could have what we have.  A year ago, she did.  Now her little world was turned upside down and broken, and she was left to pick up the pieces and to try to make sense of it all.

Tears filled my eyes as I realized she had joined the ranks of so many other little boys and girls of our world today whose lives and homes were broken.  For some, the selfish effects of divorce have become common place, but never to those who suffer from its reality.

Once the infection of selfishness becomes obvious, changing one’s behavior is difficult, almost impossible.  The cure requires a heart transplant strengthened by daily Bible reading and prayer time to counteract the symptoms.

It has been said that marriage problems are simply “me” problems.  If I could learn how to get “me” out of the way, I could have a successful, thriving marriage; and therefore, raise healthy, thriving children.

Is my marriage immune to the disease of selfishness? Have I always been perfectly unselfish?  Don’t let me mislead you.  My husband and I have had our fair amount of struggles, often stemming from selfishness.  But for the grace of God, it would be my own little girl sitting idly in that swing wishing she wasn’t a statistic, inwardly longing for a “perfect” family. 

No family is perfect; there are no easy marriages.  Every couple must make a decision to love unconditionally– a love that is not subject to one condition or any condition.

Unfaithfulness, harmful addictions, and even “falling out of love” are symptoms of the condition of marriages and the raging disease of selfishness.  Sadly, selfishness has affected all mankind which is evidenced by the number of broken homes and failed marriages. 

The lives of children are impacted negatively by Mommy and Daddy’s decision to divorce simply because it’s too hard to learn how to live together and love each other unselfishly.  Physically, the child’s heart races and their stomachs sicken when they hear Mommy and Daddy fighting for their own selfish rights.  They wonder what they did to cause this or if they could be good enough to keep it from happening.  The enemy seizes the opportunity to ruin another soul because the parents think they are entitled to fulfilling their own selfish desires.

What can be done to keep the disease of selfishness from infecting our marriages and keep our little ones from being left alone on a swing longing to have a family life that only their parents working together through Jesus Christ can give? 

The antidote for the disease of selfishness is found in Philippians 2:3-4 where we are told to count others more significant than ourselves and to look to the interests of others.  Another antidote, found in Galatians 5:26 cautions that we should not become conceited, provoking or envying one another.   More importantly, we can live I Corinthians 13:4-6: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. This will ensure that we not only keep our little ones from the sorrow of a broken family, we can provide a thriving one for them!

I challenge you to immediately take the first steps in relieving the symptoms of selfishness in your life.  Don’t wait for your spouse to start the process.  Be the change in your marriage today!  Do what it takes to ensure that your child never occupies the sixth swing.


Niki enjoys homeschooling her five children, homemaking, sewing, and creating inspirational art for the home. She has been married for twenty years to her best friend, Steve. They have two precious blessings resting in the arms of Jesus. Their family has enjoyed working together in children’s ministry since 1992 and Niki is currently working towards getting her first children’s book published. She is the blog author of For Journey’s Sake and can also be found on face book writing about her passion to mentor and encourage women and girls on their journey to becoming Proverbs 31 virtuous women.

Three Questions Every Man is Asking

This post is one of the most favorite of 2012, reposted for your reading pleasure.

Every man is asking three questions in life. To solve anyone of these questions is a major accomplishment and would fuel his self-worth and personal achievements. When women know these questions and help “their man” find the answers; she will benefit. Men who are confident are men who know how to love. Relationships for a man are difficult unless he has a sense of direction and an internal felling of value.

If men are asking questions then what are the questions and where are the answers?

How can my family be financially secure?

How can I be a good father?

How can I make my wife happy?

First men must understand who they are before they ask the questions, “What can I do?”

Men have greater abilities than they think they do. Men strive for success instead of value. Even small successes add to a man’s ego but if a man would increase his value then he will be successful. Value is expressed through fatherhood, loyalty to his wife and completion of a “job well done.”  Every man possesses extreme influenceand offers amazing value to his family but many men feel worthless, powerless and some even feel dumb. Society hasn’t helped – it has endeavored to neutralize our men, men who have lost conviction, strength and even, their faith. But value is created by presence; taking time with a teenage son or daughter, dating his wife or celebrating an accomplishment of his children. Cell phone fasting while listening to the story of a son or daughter multiplies value to the time spent with them.

Men are better than they think they are. Men listen to “the lie.” “As a boy I …”, he begins and minutes later ends with a story of loss, degradation or misuse. The pounding words of personality subtraction weigh upon his mind until he no longer proudly proclaims, “I am a man.” Simply confessing “the lie,” letting go of “the lie,” and substituting real truth for “the lie,” will set a man free to enjoy his manliness. To be haunted with a lie instead

Men have better influence than they think they do. Men try to control instead of lead. Men have confessed,”They aren’t listening to me, so I just quit talking.” Instead of leading – he was demanding. Respect isn’t demanded – it is earned. Showing the way instead of pushing into the “right way” is a major tool in moving a son or daughter in the right direction. When a loving father shows a loving example in a loving disposition then he will reap loving children. I must admit I was not perfect as a father watching two children grow up into amazing adults but God is merciful, often, I would cry, “Lord, help me be the Father I need to be.” There is positional power where a man makes demands but at home there is personal power developing into loving and long-lasting relationships.

Men love their wife more than they show they do. Men look for acceptance in the wrong places. Pornography, an evening working relationship with the opposite sex and long embraces put a man in a whirlwind of disaster but the bottom answer is acceptance. Sex is not the drive – acceptance is. “I felt I had finally accomplished something,” is the sad confession of a fallen man. Marriage is the armour of God – my wife puts it on me every day. My accountability partner is my wife; she assists in keeping me in the boundaries. One of the greatest gifts a wife can give her husband is to accept him in his faults and failures. Praying together creates a strong bond of commitment and acceptance.

Comment: What would you add to this article to bring men up to their value?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author

Fathers, Tell This to Your Son Today

Picture1Fathers are important people. According to a study by father absence affects about 27 million children in America, and it’s spreading. It’s linked to higher rates of poverty, failure in school, teen pregnancy, substance abuse, violent crime, depression, and ultimately a loss of hope. There is hope however, in another study, 92% agree that fathers make a unique contribution to their children’s lives.

When a father is raising a boy to be a man there must be several , what I call, “daily proclamations.” These “proclamations” reinforce the man inside the boy plus, create a healthy respect for the authority in his life.

Proclamation #1 I love you, son. A father needs to say it often and a son needs to hear it often. As a boy faces his manhood it is essential he understands he is accepted and loved for who he is. Most boys wrestle with “belonging,” and being a man, when he hears his father express his acceptance and love – he develops appreciation.

Proclamation #2 What do you want to do at our next “man time.” Sometimes us fathers simply want our boys to “tag along” on our next excursion without ever asking, what is it you enjoy doing. If it within means and you are capable – give it a shot.  Boys need one to one “man time.” It may be fishing, hunting, hiking, camping or a hundred other things but the essence of the trip is to spend time “man to man.”

Proclamation #3 I trust you son, to make the right decisions. Life is complicated for a man but the reinforcement of positive expression based on past merit will continue to add to the son’s everyday habits and actions. Fathers must continually reinforce their trust in their sons decisions. Give him a little line – ask him questions – give him room to make his own decisions. remember, you didn’t always make the right decisions, he may falter or fail but boost him up with positive reinforcement. “You messed up but I have faith in you.”

Proclamation #4 Let’s pray together about this. It can be test grades, school friends, or more, but a judgemental prayer asking god to speak to our hearts. Yes, father and son, are asking for wisdom on this issue, “Lord, help us make the right decision.”

Proclamation #5 Your mother and I are doing all we can to be the best parents so you can have a great future. The greatest gift a child will ever receive in life is to know hs father loved his mother. When both parents are working together to mold a great future for their son – he will never forget it.

Order the book, Highpoints, For those Who Dare to Climb, at

Comment: What is something you would add to the list of proclamations?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author

Change Your Marriage This Week

Picture1Sitting with seven men , some married 35 years, another over 12 years, another near 25 years, one guy only married for 2 and a half years. We were discussing ways to increase the “bond” between a husband and a wife. The answers were astounding. These guys were awesome as they planned how to show their wife, without a doubt, they were madly in love with her.

Smart husband #1 suggested spending quality time together; both had conflicting job schedules, so they had to configure date nights, family time and private time. This special time together became a priority in their marriage. Wether it was getting a babysitter while they went out to eat, took a walk together or had coffee together on breaks, they passionately planned their next time they would spend together.

Smart husband #2 suggested “courting” often. Courting is often used in southern states and simply implies dating with the attitude of creating a lifelong relationship, instead of a casual dating relationship. He and his wife frequently have “date nights” where they have a conversation, look into each other’s eyes, (with their cell phones off), and they express their feelings of love for each other.

Smart husband #3 offered “quick forgiveness.” Whenever there is a conflict or disagreement forgive quickly. Remember, he stated, “Love is the union of two good forgivers.” Marriage is not without its conflict but love is the ability to forgive the one you love quickly. Don’t go to bed mad. Get it settled so frustration doesn’t build up.

Smart husband #4 wisely commented he finds reading the Word of God and praying everyday, keeps him accountable to his wife. “God speaks to me about the kind of husband I need to be.” God helps me express my love to my wife and show her I love her. My relationship with God develops a strong bond between us.

Smart husband #5 after two and a half years of marriage I tell her often how much I love her. She loves to hear it. I say, “I Love You,” with my eyes and my heart.

Smart Husband #6 humbly admitted he started helping around the house, running a vacuum cleaner or wishing the dishes, without bragging about it. When we work together she knows it is because I love her.

Smart husband #7 finished with, I text her or call her often to let he know how much I am thinking of her throughout the day. She is foremost on my mind. She knows she is the queen of my heart because I keep in touch with her feelings.

Normal guys with smart ideas. why not put these into action and become part of the smart husband group?

Comment: What would you add to the list?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author

One Thing That Will Depreciate Your Life

angerOf all the little quirks, habits, inconsistencies or sins that will divert, depreciate or even, destroy your life, it is this one thing. One little thing, Solomon illustrates, “The little foxes destroy the vine.” Little yet it grows. Little yet so deceitful. Little yet so big.

Pride! Pride steals attention from the real important to the less important. Pride diverts “them” to “me.” Pride steals joy when I can’t get my way or when I can’t get enough attention. Pride demands I spend countless hours adding up my injustices. Pride will demeanor my friendships. Pride is selfish. Pride lacks love.

Self defence doesn’t have to be love but jealousy, revenge, anger and lust often flow from pride. I want my way and I want it now. Pride is an evil task master. However. dressing nice is not always pride, a handsome dude or a beautiful woman is not always pride. A nice home, clean car, money in the bank is not pride, no, but it can be. If I count the lowly as unimportant. If I snicker at the poor or quickly pass by the hurting; you definitely don’t want to be caught in the same company as such, that’s pride.

Without sounding too preachy; let’s choose out the anti-pride actions:

Pride is destroyed when you forgive. While pride keeps us from forgiveness – a forgiving heart will keep us from pride.

Talk to children. They are people too. Very important people.

Don’t be afraid to have a decent conversation with a poor man. in fact, we can go the extra mile by taking him a gift or a plate of food during the holidays, (or, any day for that matter).

Laugh with everyone and laugh at no one. Pride makes us think we are better than everyone else – sorry, but we are equal – not better.

Respect everyone regardless of race, creed, religion or sex. You don’t have to agree with them but we must respect them.

Let compassion show in your eyes, heart and actions. Pride says don’t get involved.

Go above and beyond for your enemies. Just because someone doesn’t like you doesn’t mean you must try the rest of your life to “get them to like you” but you can rise above their attitude, swallow pride, and show them kindness, respect and care.

Pride is not a good guide – follow your heart. Pride will redirect a person from his real friends when his pride is hurt. Go forward – be a friend with a great attitude.

Pride is not a loss of conviction but a heightened sense of self-awareness. Teenage girls play this game; if you like them, you don’t like me. Transferring this game into adulthood is childish.

Prayer is a selfless path. The more a person prays the more they are concerned about others and less about themself.

Order the book, Highpoints, For those Who Dare to Climb, at

Comment: Has pride ever grabbed you? How did you let it go?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author

Rescue Your Finances Before the Holiday Crush

moneyMoney is either a blessing or a curse. Either the surplus of it or the lack of it. Nothing separates friends, spouses and relationships like money. The holiday seasons seem to drain what little money we do have. We have worked hard and we spend freely because we deserve a few nice things. The problem is – credit burns. Black debits follow Black Friday. We spend more than we want to get less than we need. You can’t find simple solutions to hard problems but there are three simple changes to help ease the “money burden” of the holiday season.

Save Some Plan to put a little money back every payday, even if it is only $5.00. Five dollars a week with buy a good tire in three months. Five dollars a week in six months will buy a good used wash machine. Five dollars a week for a year is $240.00 – now that’s a nice start for next years Christmas.

Spend Little Real hard, you say. Yes, but let’s cut it into bite size pieces.

  • Take a list and only buy what is on the list.
  • Don’t go to the store when you are hungry.
  • Make your speciality coffees at home. Google the recipes.
  • Use coupons.
  • Take only the amount of cash you can spend.

Think More Find creative ways to make money or to spend less. One woman made purses out of left over scrap material, sold them and made extra holiday cash. One lady made pumpkin rolls by taking orders from area businesses. One woman did holiday decorating for others, another sold Avon, another cleaned houses for the holidays. Yes, you can do it!

Comment: Can you think of another way to make some holiday cash?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author

Four Life Changing Prayers


Prayer has often been reduced to a cry for help, a list of wants or a plea for mercy. These types of prayer are not wrong in their nature but may be wrong chronologically. If we choose to make life changing decisions about life changing direction then we must learn how to pray life changing prayers.

Make me The prodigal son left home demanding, “Give me!” But came home crying, “Make me.”  A humble fall will melt our demanding heart into a quiet plea, “God, make me into the person you want me to be.”

Use me The complete satisfaction we look for is not found in serving ourself but serving others.  Finding your exact gift, purpose and life service results in personal joy and completeness.     

Forgive Me We need to let go. Get it off your chest. Jesus, forgive me. Let it go!

Bless me It is in the heart of God to bless you more than you can believe for. God wills to bless you with good. You are the apple of His eye and He desires to bless you with His presence. Simply cry out in a still small voice “Jesus, bless me now.”

Comment: Has this blog helped you today?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author

Gratitude is a Life Changer

Someone shared this quote from the popular TV show, Duck Dynasty, “One day you are happy, happy, happy and the next day you are crabby, crabby, crabby.” Being thankful can change the elasticity of your spirit.

November is the month of Thanksgiving but thankfulness is a lifestyle not a holiday. Being thankful and letting it flow from your heart is definitely a life changer. We must admit having gratitude in the middle of a struggle is difficult to accomplish but it can be done.

Here is how to change your “crabby, crabby, crabby” into “happy, happy, happy.”

You Have Things All Around You To Be Thankful For You won’t have to go far. Have you ever played “slug bug?” On a long trip my brother and I would preoccupy ourselves with a simply game of “slug bug.” If you see a Volkswagen Beetle you get to “slug’ the person next to you. The game stopped when the person getting “slugged” the most decided it was time to play “I see something red.” It is amazing what you see when you begin to look for it. When you begin to look for something to be thankful, you begin to notice more things you are thankful for.

Here are just a few things you can begin to be thankful for.

  • Life
  • Friends
  • Health
  • Home
  • Food
  • Family
  • Freedom
  • God


Sharing Is The Greatest Way to Show Thanks W. Clement Stone said, If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share. The busiest time for the Salvation Army is during the holidays – share some time serving. Stress is at an all time high from November through December – share some time praying for others. Real needs of food, clothing, and high utility bills are felt by single mothers – share some money with them.  

Remember Who Loves YouWe have friends, both old and new, who have stood with us through the test of time. Call them or write a handwritten note of appreciation. Think of someone who recently went through a hard time physically and listen to their story – healing comes through them talking about it.  

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Give Thanks to God For His BlessingsContentment is destroyed by comparison. Some complain because they don’t have what someone else may have but be thankful for what God has given you. He has blessed you far more than you deserve and given you far more than you really need. Storm Jameson confessed, For what I have received may the Lord make me truly thankful, and more truly for what I have not received.  Start your day be giving thanks for all the blessings you have received in your life – it will change your day, it can change your life.

Comment: What are you most thankful for?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author