WHAT DO PEOPLE NEED FROM THEIR PASTOR?

 

WHAT DO PEOPLE NEED FROM THEIR PASTOR

 

 Pastor X was going into his first church with excitement and freshly drawn plans to blast his church off the map. Well, that’s how it began and within a couple years the new church turned into work, long hours and desperate measures for the pastor to keep up. Feeling the need to focus, Pastor X asked with a sigh of exasperation, “What does my church need from me the most?” “What do I focus on?” “What do people need from a pastor?”

 

 

GIVE YOUR PERSONAL TESTIMONY

 

The Superman pastor who leaps over tall buildings, stops speeding trains and deflects bullets off his chest is dead. The pastor who explains his own struggles of falling asleep in an early morning prayer meeting, admits he is asking God to make him a better pastor, asks for payer when he is sick and is transparent will gain more traction than Superman

 

Think humble. I am not better. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. Let’s all work together to please God and let’s work as a team to get where we ALL need to be – will find people willing to circle around you. 

 

Give your personal testimony of grace, your personal testimony of forgiveness and your personal testimony of healing.  Be human.

 

 

GIVE PRIME TIME

 

This doesn’t mean to give ALL your time. Give people your ear, your eyes and your understanding. When you are there be ALL there. Don’t be checking your phone while talking to them, don’t be looking somewhere else and definitely don’t keep looking at your watch.

 

 WHEN YOU ARE THERE BE ALL THERE

 

Give each member their hug for the day, compliment their promptness, and thank them for their faithfulness appreciate them for their prayers. Make each minute count by making valuable moments when you are with them. You can’t give everyone equal time but you can give them quality time with you are with them.

 

 

 

EXEMPLIFY PRAYER

 

Prayer is as necessary to a pastor as oil to your car engine. Slow down, spend time with God, and rest in His presence. Seek God and His presence will come; if you seek an experience with God you may wait indefinitely but seek a relationship with God and He will meet you when you mention His name.

 

 FIND A PLACE, IDENTIFY HIS PRESENCE AND GIVE JESUS YOUR PRAISE

 

Make prayer a priority at church, at home and in your personal life. Encourage your church to pray at church and at home. Announce special times of prayer and give time in each service for praying for one another. 

 

 

LOVE PEOPLE

 

People can discern between a pastor who is doing his job and a pastor who loves his people. It is no mistake the Pastor is compared to a caring shepherd in the Gospels. A pastor who loves his sheep will tell them, show them and disciple them. A pastor may not be able to make every hospital call, spend unbridled time on the phone or casually talk to the guy who has nothing going on today. But he can express care, respect, and thankfulness to everyone.

 

 

What do you think people want from their pastor?

 

 

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

 

Five Qualities of an Effective Communicator

He walked into the room without shaking anyone’s hand, came quickly to the podium conveying to the crowd he was in a hurry. He spoke quick and terse with a know-it-all attitude. He went over his allotted time without apology making exaggerated claims of his success then briskly walked out the door.

The chatter around the room after his presentation was a mix of relief and anger. Relief that he was finished and gone – anger that he was brazen and narcissistic.

Communication is one of the most important qualities within the element of being an author, pastor, business person or speaker. Yes, as illustrated above, there is a lot of difference between a speaker and a communicator.

A communicator doesn’t become prolific in well versed words, flaunting his education and attitude to gather or collect an audience but rather takes an interest in people while dissecting hard truths and offering small pieces as a dainty delicatessen. A communicator builds a friend list, tells stories and cares for people while probing their emotions and thoughts.

 

Here are my suggestion for Five Qualities of an Effective Communicator

 

LEANING

Our body language speaks louder than our words.

Multitudes of studies have been done on body language and slumping, twiddling, texting and a far off look are adverse body styles to communication. Leaning into the person, hanging onto their words with a soft smile and a gentle nod brings attention to an all new level. Social media has reversed communication into words and videos but real communication “leans into” the conversation.

Keeping in mind that personal space is necessary, so look away briefly, don’t stare and don’t make them feel uncomfortable by leaning too much. As Leonardo Da Vinci said, “An arch consists of two weaknesses, which, leaning on each other, become a strength.”

 

LEARNING

There is never a person so bright that there can’t be another light bulb in the room.

Teaching and learning should go hand in hand. Asking questions during a conversation is needful for receptacle learning. Agreeing, debating (not arguing) and questioning develop a well-rounded conversation. “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t,” states Bill Nye.

Becoming emotionally and uniformly attached to the conversation (not the personal exactly) brings learning to the forefront and helps us retain the details of the conversation.

 

LISTENING

God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason someone once quipped.

Painful but true. We are dedicated talkers and many love listening to their own self talk. Listening is a skill – an important skill. Listening bonds friends, brings relationships to the table and develops on going communication. Andy Stanley teaches, “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.”

Listening without charging into our answer but remunerating the answer quietly and purposefully after we have fully listened demonstrates great respect for the speaker.

 

LOOKING

Eye contact may be the most important communication ability we possess.

Looking away does more damage to the attention span than most any other distraction in the communication process. To look intently and interestingly is an art and must be perfected by communicators.

Someone once said, “Looking into someone’s eyes changes the entire conversation.”  A long stare is uncomfortable so look away occasionally but not long enough to lose the train of thought or the line of thought.

 

 LIKING

To communicate is the first step of friendship.

We won’t personally like everyone we speak to but if we communicate with them long enough there should and most likely will be a thin thread of truth to where we might find common ground. You might not personally like them but like something they say. Like has variables and levels and definitions but they all involve people.

 

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

What I Know About Problems

Your problem may not be a problem

Your problem may seem bigger than it is

Your problem may not be your problem

Your problem may not take as long as you think it will

Your problem may add something to your life rather than subtract

Your problem may be a miracle in disguise

Everyone has problems

God cares about your problems

Life and Longevity

Life is not measured by its longevity but by its quality. John Boy Walton, of the popular Walton series TV Miniseries, quipped, “Life is not measured by birthdays but by memories.” Life has its up and downs. Life always has those moments when we question the unexpected loss of someone we held dear to us but God said He alone is the giver of life. God expresses the quality of life is based on the fear of God so life and death are in the hands of God. There are parts of life and much of death we don’t understand. In fact, we know very little of what the other side looks like.

The Bible tells us about the streets of gold, the Crystal Sea, gates of pearl, the throne of God but little about what life is like in the eternal heavens. Jesus tells us He has gone to prepare a mansion for us but doesn’t tell us why we need a mansion in heaven. Jesus tells us there is no marriage nor giving of marriage in heaven; yet we will be known as we are known. Yet there is much about life in heaven we don’t understand. We wonder – what really awaits us after death, we speculate, wish and hope.

But there is one scripture in the Holy Bible that helps me more than any other. In Hebrews 11:1 -2b Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; …..  These witnesses are not mourning their passing but are rather standing on the balcony of heaven but watching below those who are still running the race. Not tears but applause. Not sorrow but cheering; Cheering on those who are yet to cross the finish line; Applause for everyone to run well; Applauding our efforts as we move closer and closer to the finish line.

In the stillness, of the midnight. Precious sacred scenes unfold,*  tears run silently down our cheek, in the pain of loneliness grips our soul, we are compelled to listen, to listen carefully to the soft applause of our loved one; “run, run well; keep on running, cross the finish line with faith; we applaud you.”

So while we may not see them it is definitely clear that they can see us and they are cheering us on – yes, you can make it.

 

*Precious Memories, original lyrics, © 1966 by Stamps-Baxter Music & Printing Co. J. B. F. Wright, author-composer of “Precious Memories” (originally copyrighted in 1925)

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

 

It’s Up to You

It’s Up to You

Author – unknown

One song can spark a moment, One flower can wake the dream. One tree can start a forest, One bird can herald spring.
One smile begins a friendship, One handclasp lifts a soul. One star can guide a ship at sea, One word can frame the goal.
One vote can change a nation, One sunbeam lights a room. One candle wipes out darkness, One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey, One word must start each prayer. One hope will raise our spirits, One touch can show you care.
One voice can speak with wisdom, One heart can know what’s true. One life can make the difference, You see, IT’S UP TO YOU!

Engaged? What’s Missing?

The one thing missing from the engagement scene has been either overlooked or ignored.

The gathering of dating or courtship information is often overwhelming and sometimes confusing. Add engagement and the advice gets more intense.  Parents, pastors, teachers, friends and coaches give helpful, useful and insightful advice, in abundance. There is not a shortage to opinions, Tweets or advice.

But there is still one thing missing.

When my wife and I were dating and came to the serious discussions of marriage we both realized we were marrying for love, for life and for ministry. It was the last one, for ministry, that stopped us both long enough to weigh out the consequences of making a wrong decision; either marrying at the wrong time or worse; marrying the wrong person. Our ministry was at stake. Who we were and who we were to become was the bigger picture.

Upon mutual agreement, we separated temporarily, her going to be with some friends and me, staying in Texas, until we both heard from God and felt the peace of God. Like Isaac and Rebekah; we knew God had brought us together, now would God keep us together? During the many days that passed we prayed, fasted and listened to God. To better tune our ears into God’s will we both agreed not to have any communication between us during this time. Finally, on the same day we both felt the peace and when she called at 10:00 in the evening; I was ready to bring her back to Texas and begin planning the wedding day.

The one thing missing in many courtships and dating scenarios is the search for God’s blessing and

approval upon the marriage of two individuals who are in love with each other.

After 36 years we are happily married and enjoying the blessings of the Lord. While reading Proverbs recently I was alerted in my spirit about the numerous times God mentions a “wife” in the scriptures. It is a reminder to me of God’s involvement in our marriage.

Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. God’s word is clear that sex belongs within the moral boundaries of marriage and it is to be enjoyable. The blessing of children and grandchildren are God’s reminder of His faithfulness and a His promise for the future.

Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Simply God is intrinsically involved in the process of finding a good wife and brings His favor into the marriage. It isn’t a coincidence Jesus performed His first miracle at a wedding – expressing His delight and approval on a Christian marriage.

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD. While deceased mothers or fathers may leave an inheritance in their will – it is the cautious, careful and decisive wife which is a gift from God. God presents a man with a wife and crowns the marriage with His divine presence.

Comment: How do you pray for your marriage each day? What do you think is the most effective way to pray for your marriage?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

The Ephesians Six Husband

prayerSome friends of ours celebrated their Fiftieth Wedding Anniversary recently. Friends, family and acquaintances gathered to celebrate their lifelong commitment to each other. If you were to ask her how the blushing bride did it, she would gladly reply, “I prayed for my husband every day.”

Of all the qualities of my wife, I am most appreciative of my wife’s one most important task, she prays for me.  She daily prays for me. Not only have I felt her prayers but I have seen the answer to her prayers frequently. My wife has a unique prayer pattern, she prays for me to become an Ephesians Six Man. She takes each verse and prays every aspect into my life. It is interesting to note the Armor of God follows the discourse on marriage; it isn’t difficult to believe it is intentional.

Ephesians 6:13-18  Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

She visualizes placing the armor of God upon me each day. She prays the following according to Ephesians 6:

Armor “God will strengthen my husband to be able to stand against adversity and stand firm in the face of opposition.”

Loins Girded “God will always reveal truth to my husband’s heart and expose fads, false prophets, and foolish tales.”

Breastplate “God will cloth my husband in righteousness and he will live a pure and holy life.”

Feet “His light will shine and my husband will influence many for Jesus Christ.”

Shield “God will enable my husband to resist temptation. Pornography, seducers and illicit women will not appeal to him in any manner.”

Helmet “My husband’s mind will be open to the voice of God and he will be protected from wrong.”

Sword of the Spirit “The Word of God will grow in His life, be evident in his steps and be the love of his life.”

Prayer “Prayer will be my husband’s foremost desire and he will find sweet and precious fellowship in the presence of the Lord.”

Comment: How do you pray for your husband each day? What do you think is the most effective way to pray for your husband?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

Creating Unbelievable Respect for the Pastor’s Wife

prayerThe greatest advice my wife has given to Pastor’s wives is to keep your mouth shut during times of conflict and be an encourager to your husband but a Pastor often neglects, ignores or sometimes just doesn’t include his wife into his ministry role.

I remember when I was dating my wife it was important for me to know are you called into the ministry? I knew my ministry and her ministry had to mesh but in my first few years of ministry I had forgotten about her being called into the ministry and pursued my ministry.

Pastor’s wives were never intended to be a shadow but to be the First Lady of the church. She may not desire a position, she may not crave attention, she may not wish to be in front of people but she is created to be respected. You can create respect for the Pastor’s wife by a few simple steps:

Be Her Greatest Fan – Speak frequently of your wife in endearing terms from the pulpit and in public settings. Don’t degrade her but promote her. She doesn’t just raise your kids she is half of your ministry.

  • Applaud her – admire her ambition, her words and her lifestyle and compliment her frequently privately and publicly
  •  Listen to her cautions and advice. She may not know the whole story but her intuition might save you from making a quick and careless decision.

Take Out Point: Respect and honor for your wife is God’s idea

 

Tell Stories or Embarrassing Events ONLY With Her Permission. This is one of the biggest pastoral “no-nos” there is. She doesn’t need the dirty laundry hanging on the line for the whole church to snicker at. She deserves privacy. Transparency behind the pulpit is your transparency not her transparency.

Take Out Point: Respect from the church for the Pastor’s wife begins with the Pastor.

 

Bring Her Along Side of You Build a ministry consciousness around you that includes her in your schedule of activities, ministry functions and counseling avenues. This may not be possible at all times but doing ministry together is fair, functional and fun.

Take Out Point: The church security rests on the relationship of the Pastor and his wife.

 

Answer Her Phone Calls Secretarial calls are to not screen family. Put them through. When she calls – tell the other party it is my wife – answer the phone – tell her you are with someone – listen to her response – finish the conversation with “I love you.” This is a powerful testimony of respect but gives your wife the security she desires when you are with someone else.

Take Out Point: Let those who surround you know your wife comes first.

 

Bring Her Into Your Personal Life Share prayer requests together. You may not be able to tell her the details of a closed-door board meeting but let her know you have to make some stressful decisions and pray about it together. Allow her to be your soul mate.

Take Out Point: The couple that prays together stays together.

 

Comment: How do you let others know you honor your wife?
Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

Four Things A Husband Needs to Know About His Wife

11lAfter nearly 36 years of studying my wife I can say with a hearty proclamation, “There is yet so much to learn.” My wife, along with other women in the world, is intriguingly and meticulously created with unique features defining her as woman. No wonder Adam, when wakened from a deep sleep, cried out, “WHOA! MAN!” – Thus, woman.
There is so much more to learn yet there are a few explicit details that emerge fitting the generalities of women. This isn’t a blueprint – it is merely one man’s observation of God’s female creation. Though this is written for men’s information; I know there are women reading this who will print it, post it and may actually hang it on the mirror for their husband to read, and read and re-read.

She is Unique – She Needs Your Love

Perhaps the Bible explains this the best way. She is the weaker vessel but not like you think. As far as strength – she may beat you in arm wrestling. As far as board games – she may skunk you. As far as putt-putt she may make you look bad. But the weaker vessel doesn’t mean weak in the sense of lack but a better interpretation may be fragile vase. As a fragile vase she is uniquely created, with detail. Study her and you will find a unique design, precious detail and amazing quality. She has value, she is a treasure, and she is to be honored, just as you would an heirloom, an expensive, a fragile vase. Admire her, lift her up and respect her and you will discover the hidden value of the women you call wife.
Take Home Point – Love her intentionally

She is Communicative – She Needs You to Listen
Hands down women love to talk, think out loud and communicate their feelings. Maybe men need to open up a bit but until then. When she speaks she needs her husband to listen, listen with his ears and his eyes. Really listen to her thoughts not just her words. You may not understand where she is coming from or why she is saying what she is saying but listen. Listen with your heart, be involved, don’t try to fix it – just try to be understanding. She may need a hug more than your reply.
Take Home Point – Listen intentionally

She has Insight – She Needs Your Understanding
Take the time to delve into the multifaceted mind of your wife as she looks with her eyes, thinks with her mind, feels with her heart and is sensitive to your touch. This is a women’s insight. She feels “something.” She knows people. She reads between the lines. And, she knows you; that’s the scary part. In fact, I move – she reads me. Ouch! As a husband you may not understand her insight but it is not as important as her wanting to know you are trying to understand her feelings and insights.
Take Home Point – Learn intentionally

She Has Her Moments – She Needs Your Faithfulness
She may question your love one day. She wants to know do I look good in this? – not for others but for you. She may ask you if she looks fat? – not for others but for you. She may ask do you like my hair? – not for others but for you. She wants to know you love her for who she is and you are committed till death do us part. She may be crabby, complaining, critical and even nagging but she still loves you and wants you to be totally committed to love her forever. She knows she has her moments – she knows you do to but she wants to be secure on knowing you will stand by her, hold her hand in public and be her man for the rest of your lives.
Take Home Point – Live faithfully

Comment: What do you know about your wife – how do you let her know you honor her?
 Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

Investing in Our Marriage

Picture1People sometimes marry for all the wrong reasons. When a couple marries, it develops into a frenzy of emotion – sadly, for some; it only lasts for a few years before love fades, collapsing into separation and misunderstanding.

Love must be, should be, something more than physical. Regardless how the movies portray marriage – love develops over time. Two people grow in love with each other until more is invested in the marriage than one is willing to withdraw from.

 

Investing into your marriage becomes the diamond of beauty

 

Investing in the love, the husband and wife share, is called commitment. It isn’t give and take – it is give and give. Investment usually involves putting someone of value into something we trust. Marriage defined is putting something we value into the one we trust.

For many – to be able to trust the one you love with your soul, your thoughts, your life, your being, your secrets and your dreams is the peak of love. Moving from emotion to trust is a major step in marriage. After the struggle to survive often a couple will find a deeper love and a deeper trust in one another.

Making deposits into your checkbook guarantees’ you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Making deposits into your marriage guarantees you will be able to make withdraws up to the balance of your deposits. Life has a way of making one withdrawal after the other – depleting the account. We must add deposits intentionally and on a regular basis.

 

The more you put into your marriage the more you are able to take out of your marriage.

 

Simply investing more into your marriage than you are taking out isn’t just good business sense but it is simply good sense. Let’s look at some common sense ways we can’t invest into our marriage:

Expressions Of Love Holding her hand as you walk together, rubbing her shoulders, or a gentle hug when she comes in from work is adding value in your marriage. It is said a wife needs seven nonsexual touches a day for emotional well being. Don’t be like one guy who patted his wife on the back seven times and felt he had accomplished his expression of love.

Spend Prime Time Together Taking a walk together, grabbing a cup of coffee, taking her lunch to her at work, watching a movie together after the kids have gone to bed, can be prime time events investing into your love relationship.

Write a Note Slipping a note into her lunch bag, having a note posted to the bathroom mirror or having a card waiting for her on the dinner table can fill the emotional love tank up to full. Write meaningful, heartfelt words that you noted her beauty, her strength, her character or her recent decisions.

Pray Together Discover each other’s needs. Pray for each other and confess your own weaknesses. Praying together over your marriage, over your home and over your children will multiply your deposits.

You might think of something that creates a better atmosphere of love in your home but whatever you do you must do regularly, continually making deposits into your marriage.

Comment: What would you add to this list of deposits?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.