Marry Someone You Like NOT Just Someone You Love

coupleThe crazy thing about love is it feels just right. That is until two kids later, a messy house, an overworked husband and a bad hair day. Feelings change and the subject of love is being defined in a myriad of make believe scenarios until it has become hard to really recognize it. If you follow the movie trail you simply run into someone in the rain, he covers you with his umbrella, you fall in love and magically you love each other until a major breakup. Have you ever noticed how two happily married people can become two unhappy, angry, bitter and divorced people? We could define “love” but the false images of exploding emotions and raging hormones are embedded in the minds of many youth and much easier for them to understand. But love is too passing for many, no concrete but fluid. There must be a better way to describe what real love looks like – so, here it is:

Marry someone you like NOT someone you love. Since emotions lie and feelings change, ask yourself this question, do I really like them? The sage advice of Amos still rings true, Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

HONEST? Are they transparent? Are they hiding something? Do you feel uneasy around them? Is holding secrets their big game plan? Honesty between a couple is real love and if you don’t like them holding back pertinent information then how will it be a few years into marriage?

TRUST? This is different. Would you trust him with your sister? Would you trust her with another guy? Do you trust them with money? Small areas of mistrust often grow into large areas of mistrust. Do you like the way he or she is when you are not around?

ANGRY? What ticks them off? Do they get angry easily? Have you seen levels of impatience that you don’t like? Are they calm, cool and collected or angry, anxious and agitated? Will this explosive character follow you into marriage? Give them time to change without a long term commitment and be sure and marry someone you like.

CARE? How do they treat others? Do they show concern for the hurting? Are they considerate? Is he a gentleman? Are they selfish, proud or cruel? He may look like a hunk now but how will he treat you when you are sick? She may be beautiful on the outside but is she hospitable, loving and caring?

PRAY? Are they leaning in towards God or withdrawing from God? Do you pray together? Are dates a “touchy, feely” date or an opportunity to find out more about each other’s spiritual growth and stamina? Do you know what her convictions are? Do you know what he believes?

Find out if you like the guy or girl you’re with before you fall in love.

 

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.

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Engaged? What’s Missing?

The one thing missing from the engagement scene has been either overlooked or ignored.

The gathering of dating or courtship information is often overwhelming and sometimes confusing. Add engagement and the advice gets more intense.  Parents, pastors, teachers, friends and coaches give helpful, useful and insightful advice, in abundance. There is not a shortage to opinions, Tweets or advice.

But there is still one thing missing.

When my wife and I were dating and came to the serious discussions of marriage we both realized we were marrying for love, for life and for ministry. It was the last one, for ministry, that stopped us both long enough to weigh out the consequences of making a wrong decision; either marrying at the wrong time or worse; marrying the wrong person. Our ministry was at stake. Who we were and who we were to become was the bigger picture.

Upon mutual agreement, we separated temporarily, her going to be with some friends and me, staying in Texas, until we both heard from God and felt the peace of God. Like Isaac and Rebekah; we knew God had brought us together, now would God keep us together? During the many days that passed we prayed, fasted and listened to God. To better tune our ears into God’s will we both agreed not to have any communication between us during this time. Finally, on the same day we both felt the peace and when she called at 10:00 in the evening; I was ready to bring her back to Texas and begin planning the wedding day.

The one thing missing in many courtships and dating scenarios is the search for God’s blessing and

approval upon the marriage of two individuals who are in love with each other.

After 36 years we are happily married and enjoying the blessings of the Lord. While reading Proverbs recently I was alerted in my spirit about the numerous times God mentions a “wife” in the scriptures. It is a reminder to me of God’s involvement in our marriage.

Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. God’s word is clear that sex belongs within the moral boundaries of marriage and it is to be enjoyable. The blessing of children and grandchildren are God’s reminder of His faithfulness and a His promise for the future.

Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Simply God is intrinsically involved in the process of finding a good wife and brings His favor into the marriage. It isn’t a coincidence Jesus performed His first miracle at a wedding – expressing His delight and approval on a Christian marriage.

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD. While deceased mothers or fathers may leave an inheritance in their will – it is the cautious, careful and decisive wife which is a gift from God. God presents a man with a wife and crowns the marriage with His divine presence.

Comment: How do you pray for your marriage each day? What do you think is the most effective way to pray for your marriage?

Copyright by Jim Laudell. Materials may not be copied, reproduced or distributed without the written permission from the author. You may share on Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media while giving credit to the author. This post should not be construed as medical, legal or counseling advice.