I want a better marriage! The stone faced couple sat in front of me with tear filled eyes. They were hurt and wounded but lacked the wisdom to turn their marriage around. “Do you have a checkbook?” After they answered, taking the checkbook I explained, taking withdrawals without deposits would soon cost them more, with bank charges, then they originally had. Do you wish to have the marriage you had when you first married? They both answered an emphatic , “Yes!”
The reason for our “first love” immensity is the amount of deposits we put into the love scenario. The more you put into the marriage – the more you are able to withdrawal. Both had been taking out of the marriage without any deposits into the marriage.
Maybe you find yourself in this same predicament. You see the both of you taking out of the marriage but not putting anything back. Here are a few deposits you must put into the marriage “checking account” today.
Compliment Giving your spouse a genuine and sincere complement is like filling up the gas tank – you can go a long ways on one compliment. Giving a heartfelt, “Wow! that was a great dinner.” “Wow! you sure look great today.” “Wow! you are the best ever.” The “wow!” compliments can change a marriage from bad to good or from good to great in a matter of days but don’t give and expect a “wow!” back. Simply give the compliment without an expected return of a compliment.
Care Giving a few simply “love pats” throughout the day lets your spouse know you acknowledge their presence. These touches should accumulate approximately seven a day to sufficiently express your thoughts and actions towards your spouse. “Love pats” can be a soft shoulder rub, a hug, a kiss on the check, holding their hand or a pat on the shoulder or back. Theses are nonsexual and not to be considered as an advance but simply a “love pat” of acknowledgement and love.
Considerate Ask honest and open-ended questions about their day, or how they feel or what’s on their mind and get ready to listen. Listening is the lost art of love in many marriages. Focus your eyes, attention and heart on the one speaking. Show concern and be considerate. Husbands, you are not fixing the problem (my greatest fault) but you are simply listening and being considerate of their “bad day” experiences. You are feeling for them not fixing them.
Combine Work together. Worship together. Have fun together. Work in the yard together. Clean house together. Wash dishes together. Go on a walk together. Date, of course, together. Go to a coffee shop together. Go on a drive through the country together. Plan your vacation together. You get the picture – combine your efforts into one goal.
Call Whether you are on a business trip or working in your office – send your spouse a text message or call just to say, “I love you.” Write a note and leave it for him/her when they open their lunch sack. Throughout the day let your spouse know you are thinking of them.
Complete God is the glue of the marriage and prayer is the application of the glue. To complete a marriage you must pray together. I pray, “Help me, Lord, to be the kind of husband you would be proud of.” My wife prays, “Help me, Lord, be the kind of wife you would be proud of.” We ask each other to forgive us for words, thoughts or actions that are creating friction rather than a loving environment. we pray together, “Lord, bless our marriage as an inspiration to others.”
Comment: What are some deposits you make in your marriage that would be helpful to others?
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